So, today was a ton of fun! I got yelled at early in the morning for something that was completely my fault, but I will be excuse-y and say that I was discombobulated and and got into work later than I wanted to and I was still trying to get organized and there's that whole "my grandmother just died" thing. I almost started crying on the phone with my boss. Well, I won't make that same mistake again, for sure, never. Unless it really is an accident, because communication is not my firm's strongest suit.

It was weird, today. Every time I didn't think about my grandmother, I was fine. When I did, I got really, really, unexpectedly sad & teary. Again, I'm not used to this, this losing people who are very close to me. She's really, really gone. She hadn't been herself for a while, even before she started on her big decline, but still. It's going to take a while to sink in.

ALSO: Drew Brees is fab, and I hope the Saints go all the way. (I've said it before, but it's still in play, this idea) The Saints made the Patriots look like pansies tonight.

On a lighter note:

( MEME time! )

Let's talk about how much I'm loving Metric. And how I haven't been to Weight Watchers in a month, but went tonight, and I really didn't gain much in a month, so thank you, Lord. Seriously. I thought I'd be back to 142-143, but I'm still hovering just under 140. So phew, especially considering I've got my cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, and it would be nice to drop some weight, as I imagine there will be pictures taken, and that camera does add pounds. I have a dress, which I have worn only once before, and yet when I put it on over the weekend- it got all stretched out in the chest, but somehow pushed my boobs UP more. I don't even know what happened there. But it's kind of verging on inappropriate for a family wedding.

I watched the Dear Jack movie, and there are scenes of Andrew McMahon playing music when he was visibly sick and bald and whatnot, but he's wearing his stupid wedding ring, and the whole time I'm thinking, "When did you actually get married, you sharp-nosed MFer?" Because there is a shot of the wedding, and he's got hair and stuff so...maybe it was a pledge that he and his girlfriend made? Like a promise ring thing when he was sick? Why do I care about this, is the question. It's probably because I'm amazed at anyone getting married so young, especially rock stars.

My laziness is already starting to creep into this new job hunt/career counseling venture. That ain't right. Nip this in the bud, shall we?

I finished Firefly/Serenity. I didn't love the last few Firefly episodes, but there was enough there to outweigh the stuff I didn't like. I still have a bunch of questions about certain things, but I'm sure I'll get 'em answered. That's what the internets is for, right? Shack did the recaps at Television Without Pity, so I'm looking forward to going back and reading those. He did coin the "seal of Thasoggua" or whatever, for American Idol. He's got my heart. [so does Nathan Fillion, btw] And why does Melinda Clarke always play a prostitute or a woman of ill repute? It's not as if she's so trashy looking that those are the only roles she can play!

Giants lost badly and embarrassingly. Jets lost in a better fashion. But I was half paying attention and counting down until I could finish Firefly. And listening to the actual Stars song "In Our Bedroom After the War," which I wish I could post for you, but I can't. I listened to it a bunch, and half the time it made me want to sob, and the other half it made me feel all triumphant. I've been listening to Stars all week, actually. All it takes is one little twitter quote fromexpatiates , and BAM- I'm back on the bandwagon. "Your Ex Lover is Dead" remains a gorgeous piece of work.

WELL,
I haven't been DM-ing with my blogger-crush, which is [sad panda]. I still want him to whisk me away to Brooklyn so we can make fun of horrible TV shows together.

My grandmother is hanging in there for now. We all thought she was going to go at any minute a month ago, but she's rallied, to a point, and she's back to being half coherent/half non-sensical. It's the best we're going to get at this point.

My career counseling is going well. She's opening me up to new ideas and areas that I haven't considered. I found out that one of the co-workers I really like is getting ready to blow the pop stand. I don't know how many other people know. He doesn't know that I know. I'm guessing some other people that he's close with are aware of it. The funny thing is that it's an architect but he applied for a business degree. Maybe he wants it in case he starts his own firm once he's registered? I'd like to ask him about it, but it's not my place. I will miss him, though. He makes me feel attractive, which is so rare.

I finally borrowed Firefly from my friend. I don't remember how I came to know Nathan Fillion. I think maybe I tried watching an episode once, a few years back. But I went into the show knowing that I found FIllion to be oh-jesus-attractive, and Jewel Staite was on it, and I love her from "Flash Forward," back in the day. I'm about halfway through the series, loving Fillion, having a million questions, and just enjoying the heck out of it. Of course, I've selected the un-canon 'ship of Mal/Kaylee for myself, but I can't win 'em all. I'm not sure how I feel about Simon. Sean Maher reminds me of Roger Bart mixed with someone else who I can't remember at some point. I guess I think he's a little slimy, but he has his moments. The best part of everything is that the Serenity movie is available for instant play on Netflix, so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow night, probably, since there's not a Sunday Night Football game (thanks very much, NFL, for caving to the World Series. Some of us are NOT into baseball!). I think I'm kind of spoiled for something that happens in the movie, but oh well. You can't go hunting around for fanfic and emerge without learning some things that you weren't expecting to.

Okkervil River are on Austin City Limits tonight, and it's not on PBSHD for once, so I can watch it in my own room. Score! And they've got Jonathan Meiburg with them [I think he lives in Austin], their ex-vocalist/multi-instrumentalist, AND the cute bassist finally shaved, and seems to have transferred his beard to Will Sheff (the lead singer), who is actually working that extra hair. He looks more masculine and less like a scrawny, pale, indie boy. Also, Sheff's beard is like, carrot red under the ACL lights. He's a brunette. And he's playing piano! Which he never does in concert! Double-score!

And Friday Night Lights!! Kyle Chandler also falls into the "marry me" camp. Connie Britton, too. And Gilford. There's up-front hotness and stealth hotness on that show. And a lot of aviator sunglasses.

Magnolia Electric Co. is pretty much making my fall. Some of the songs go on too long, and Jason Molina's voice can get whiny, but some of the stuff is kind of gorgeous. Also, Arcade Fire.

Weezer was so much of my life when I was 17-18, mostly "the blue album" and Pinkerton. I got part of "Falling For You" stuck in my head, randomly, yesterday, and I went and listened to the songs that I have on my computer. Ohhhh, nostalgia!

This was one of the sections that resonated the most with me at the time, and it kind of still does:

 

Also, I would not have requested "Punk Rock Princess" at an acoustic show [I don't think it translates as well as some of his other songs], but whatever. It's Andrew. 

Who still has a crush on a blogger that she will never, ever meet? ::this girl::

I had yet another dream about my grandmother dying, last night. This would be the 4th. Isn't that pleasant? In this one, she died like, today, and I had to go home, and I was trying to convince my mother that I HAD to get back and go to the Andrew McMahon show. I was begging her, practically, all "you don't understand!" Do you think I'm excited for this show? Fuck and yes. This dream was so realistic, though, one of those deals where I woke up and it took a few seconds for me to remember that I was home in NYC, and my grandmother was still alive.

LUDO are fucking awesome and fun and it's one of those deals where you get home and listen to the music post-concert, and it doesn't have the same zip anymore. That's alright, though. The songs are still killer. And they are an adorable band, and I would like to see them live once a week or once a month or something. Then I would be in a good mood all of the time. How do you not love a lead singer who munches on flowers? And a bassist who looks like he should be at high school soccer practice? And a fabulous keyboard/sounds guy? You just love, mm?

Also, Troy Aikman can suck a bag of dicks. The Giants are, a good football team, you ass. New Orleans is on fire right now. I don't know who the heck is going to be able to stop them during the regular season. Not that they don't deserve it, because they totally do. Anyway, Troy needs to shut his yapper. Yes, the Giants have had a "bye" month of playing bad teams, but they're a solid team overall. One loss to NO doesn't mean they suck. Yes, it's going to be a bad loss, but the Giants aren't out of the hunt for anything quite yet.

This business of my grandmother's declining health is pretty morbid. It's amazing to see someone fall apart so fast. I'm a lot sadder than I thought I'd be, mostly because we all thought she'd live to 105 and go peacefully in her sleep, still in fine mental health, but it's turning out to be very different. I helped my parents make the list of all of the people to call when she does pass away. I am glad that I got to see her when she was 3/4 in her right mind, basically say goodbye. We think she had another minor stroke, and when you're nearly 98, you don't bounce back as fast. I say she's had an excellent, amazing, accomplished life, but the impending is still weighing heavily on me.

I'm having issues with my nose tonight. Maybe I should have gotten it fixed? But, no. That's my heritage. That's part of my grandmother, right there. However, I do think everyone else in the family wears his or her nose better than I do mine. And one must not count out the fact that I'm petrified of going under the knife for true cosmetic surgery. It's always in the back of my mind, though.

People are all jacked up about fall, and there are good things, like the pumpkin/cinnamon/cider stuff, and the fall smell, and foliage, and all of that, but there are unpleasant aspects as well, like wind. And when you go from cold outside to hot subway platform and start sweating right away. And when the apartment building jacks up the heat so much that you're wearing shorts and a tank top in the middle of December. There are other things to consider, but I can't remember them right now. Fall air does smell great, though.

Fall Music to Sort Through:
-Ryan Adams
-Whiskeytown
-Arcade Fire (going to give 'em another shot)
-Magnolia Electric Co.
-Songs: Ohia
-Patty Griffin (her latest)
-They Might Be Giants
-Guided by Voices
-The National

Tonight, I went to Hammerstein Ballroom to see this pretty lady:

She's [maternal expletive] radiant, y'all. I forgot I was seeing a legitimate tour show, and not one of my usual indie-er affairs. She's got a heckuva band, including a small brass section, which always makes me squeal. Okkervil River and Spoon worked some brass into their recent tours, but I wasn't expecting it from Kelly, so PLUS. Also PLUS- I've wanted to go to a show at Hammerstein since I was in middle school and it seemed like all the cool shows happened either there or Roseland or Irving Plaza. I've now been to all 3!



I would have been pissed if I'd missed this, considering she played RIGHT IN NYC for once. I was expecting a lot of younger girls, like little girls, but that wasn't the case. Some college girls and a few young looking ones, but mostly early 20s and up, I think. One thing about a female friendly audience- less tall guys to politely move in front of! There was this group of college girls in front of me with a very tall friend, and she wisely stayed off to the side. High fives and ass slaps to you, redhead! Also, the group of girls was pretty amusing to eavesdrop on. They all had on too much eyeliner; they were in on a train from somewhere. There was a certain bridge & tunnel quality to them...maybe Long Islanders... I don't know...but fun to listen to them talk about college things and stupid boys and Halloween, etc.

I hate to get all Randy Jackson, but I could listen to Kelly sing the phone book, for sure. She's just so darn adorable. And she does fun covers! My only complaint: I would have liked her to have done "Longshot," but one cannot have everything.

"It's in the trees!
It's coming!"

When I was a child:
Running in the night,
Afraid of what might be

Hiding in the dark,
Hiding in the street,
And of what was following me...

the hounds of love are hunting me
I've always been a coward,
And I don't know what's good for me.

(Well) Here I go!
It's coming for me through the trees.
Help me, someone!
Help me, please!

Take my shoes off,
And (i will) throw them in the lake,
And I'll be
Two steps on the water.

I found a fox
Caught by dogs.
He let me take him in my hands.

His little heart,
It beats so fast,
And I'm ashamed of running away

From nothing real--
I just can't deal with this,
But I'm still afraid to be this,

Among your hounds of love,
And feel your arms surrounding me.
I've always been a coward,
I never know what's good for me.

(well),here I go!
Don't let me go!
Hold me down!
It's coming for me through the trees.
Help me, darling
Help me, please!

Take my shoes off
And throw them in the lake,
And I'll be
Two steps on the water.

I don't know what's good for me.
I don't know what's good for me.
I need la la la la la ya yo ya yo
Your love!

Take your shoes off
And throw them in the lake!

Do you know what I really need?
Do you know what I really need?
I need la la la la la yeah!

[Kate Bush/Hounds of Love]

Screw me, I'm still obsessed with "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush, even though I've heard it a bunch by now. I can see echoes of her in Regina Spektor, the way Kate twists her words around and produces crazy sounds. Regina goes extra crazy of course, based on the lingering accent.

I survived the day much better than I thought I would, having gone to bed at 1:30 last night, having consumed hard cider & chambord (delicous!). I did not crash. I did not almost fall asleep at my desk. Go, me!

Tonight, there is a passel of watchable TV on. I am conflicted about that, as I feel like it's a bit of a chore to watch some of these things, even though they are programs that I like. I also get to try out some new shampoo, which is always exciting, ngl.

I am very nervous about packing. I always forget something, and this shebang is a 5 day deal, not just a weekender. I will be making copious lists.

PET SHOP BOYS- v, v good! A ton of fun, despite the obnoxious woo-er behind me. I could feel him scream in my ear, like the scream reverberated. But I didn't let it get to me. I wish we'd had more room to dance, though. And who ever thought I'd be saying that? Again, I'm amazed that over the course of a year, I've transformed from someone who avoids dancing at all costs to someone who is now complaining about there not being enough room to let loose. It like it; it's a good development. After the show, we went on a goose chase around the Cambridge squares and ended up at what was supposed to be a Northern Soul night at one of the bar/club venues, but it was just regular old soul by the time we got there, but again, ton of fun. I like that '60s and '50s music because you can spazz out and no one really minds. Like my friend said, it's not about looking cool. Although, I will note that this girl we were with had some nice retro moves.

Boston really looks very much the same, and I found that odd. So many of the stores were in their same locations. The streets looked the same. It was excellent and nostalgia-inducing to go that last length of the Mass Pike and see the same familiar landmarks- the Star market, the Crowne Plaza, the steakhouse. I suppose that living in New York, where stores are in and out in the blink of an eye, it's weird for me to go back up to Boston and see things just as they were, even 3 years later. One unpleasant addition that we viewed only from the highway was the finished "student village" dorm at BU. What an ugly piece of work that is! I didn't feel like a visitor in Boston/Cambridge at all, even though I was seeing parts of Cambridge for the first time. It all felt very familiar to me.

The car ride with my friend and his girlfriend was without incident, and luckily they are the sort of people who make several pit stops along the way. The odd thing is thinking about last labor day, his and my first hang-out, all on our own. I was so very nervous and excited and we saw some horrible bands play on the Lower East Side and then went to some Japanese place afterward and I found out that he had a decent memory and actually could recall some things I'd said in the past and oh, I was very impressed. So a year later, he's got this most excellent girlfriend and I'm same as it ever was, only I'm not head-over-heels smitten with him anymore. I'm still slightly jealous of the situation, mostly because, well, why can't I meet a cute guy on the subway platform (like they did)? Their relationship makes me feel hopelessly inadequate, but one must carry on. It's amazing that I fell "out of love" with him, so to speak, so quickly. Once I got to know him a little bit better, through sheer familiarity, he became common and no longer a special snowflake. Which makes me wonder- what if I have a real relationship one day? How do I know that I won't become "used to" that person after 2 or 3 months? I wish I wasn't so stunted when it came to this business, but you can't pick how certain things end up for you, and everything else is good, so one area must suffer, right? Maybe it will all perk up soon enough. One never knows.

So once upon a time, an awesome person on my flist posted some songs for download, and it was either buffyx  or moirariordan and one of the songs was "You Sound Like Louis Burdett," by the Whitlams, which I guess I've had possession of for at least 3 years, and it's amazing that I still love that song a lot.

So which one of you posted it?

So, so far this week I'm listening to Jay-Z and getting all fired up.  I think Jay-Z is going to be good gym music, should I make it back there. I listened to "Run This Town" and Keri Hilson's "Knock You Down" all day and pretty much rocked out at my desk. It was good. Day went fast. Still liking the Cobra album, Charlotte Hatherley, and Florence, too. And a little Kate Nash. I wish she had a second album out.

This morning, I read a quote of Anna Paquin's on nudity [basically- "Why keep a bra on during the sex scenes? Who does that? I don't."] from NYLON, and I thought to myself- Oh, that's cool. Anna's a good NYLON girl. I bet it's just a small interview as part of their fall TV preview. Well, I got my NYLON today, and she's on the cover, looking odd and cool. I've decided that I like her. I hadn't really given her much thought before, but I like that she's kind of reinvented herself with "True Blood," and I like that she's not typical, knock-you-down gorgeous, but there's something attractive about her. I feel like Sookie Stackhouse is actually supposed to be prettier [like I think Ginny Weasley is supposed to be prettier than Bonnie Wright, although Bonnie's grown up quite nicely]. I have no comment on the Paquin/Moyer situation, but that's really none of my business. The good news is that "True Blood" wouldn't necessarily suffer, should they break up at any point. Also, from the few recent paparazzi pictures I've seen of Anna, she's always got some vaguely batshit outfit on, or something really retro/anachronistic, but not in a Zooey Deschanel way. She seems to be grounded, for an ex-child star. See, Lindsay Lohan? It's possible. I do wonder what happened to her. Same for Mischa Barton.

Also funny? The spate of articles featuring my former French classmate, one Lea Michele. She kind of looks like a drag queen in New York Magazine. I kind of love it.

Is it Sunday yet? [trueblood trueblood trueblood]

Some people I went to college with are getting married this weekend. The girl is very high strung and always seems to have some drama going on. The guy is really nice and kind of passive. These are not people I know well, but when they started dating, my friend and I couldn't believe it. It was like she sunk her hooks into him and he was along for the ride and she was running the show. And now they're getting married. I really can't see being married at 25; I just can't. Or 26 or 27. I'm mature, but not that mature.

Am I horrible person for thinking that Kourtney Kardashian should not be having a baby right now? Her whole livelihood is being "hot" and being on her E! shows. I'm sure they figure that a baby and the accompanying related activities will be good for publicity, but still, I don't think she's quite ready to be a mom, especially when the father is a noted douche. Good luck there, Kourts! [I'm serious]

[too expensive] ticket for Kelly Clarkson @ Hammerstein Ballroom has been purchased! I'd feel really bad if I missed her, considering I'm here and she'll be here, and it's probably going to be a fun show. I wish she'd freaking comment on the whole SELF magazine cover thing. I'm surprised she's staying quiet [or maybe she's being advised against saying anything], especially since she commented quite candidly on the whole Ryan Tedder/Halo debacle.

Bat for Lashes was super cool, and I got to see my teen idol Charlotte Hatherley, so that was a great bonus. I'm not usually into rocker chicks, but Charlotte is a bad-ass, and looks pretty hold wielding her big guitar.

I'm going to start looking for a job again soon. It'll be 3 years in November. As more of my co-workers get registered, they'll leave and go look for better job environments. I don't want to be left all alone, and I don't want to be an office wench for my whole life. That's not what I set out to do.

...FUCKING FINALLY!!!!


[plus bonus!Andrew Cook being an adorable dork up on the landing before the show started]

But boyfriend, take a break soon, even if it's a little one. I think your voice could use it.

Something about this song makes me feel hopeful and giddy and I don't know why...

In a pile of unpaid bills
There's a letter sent from Philadelphia
In a familiar hand
She hasn't opened it just yet
There's no telling what it says
Oh darling please
I'm down on one knee

So why can't I be him
That guy in all your dreams
The one with all those qualities
Impossible to acheive
That man you thought I'd be
So flawless, so honest
That could never be me
No that ain't me

There's some flowers on her desk
Doesn't he know how embarassed she gets
Receiving gifts
She hasn't opened up her card
The bouquet it says it all
Daffodils with baby's breath
The same bouquet she caught on their first date
That night he was a king
He flew in town for business
And ended up at the wedding
They shared last stories between drinks
She loved him so quickly
And left him just the same
Yeah he's still the same
Still the same
No he's nothing new
But he hasn't changed

Always a bridesmaid
The friends all settled down
Always a bridesmaid
She dropped her bouquet on the ground

She snuck out for a cigarette
She said, "Maybe it's the whiskey sours
But I think that this could be it
If you ask me here and now
I think, no I know
I could make those wedding vows
We could sneak up in the night
And I could be the bride
I could be the bride
All right
I could be the bride
I could be the bride"

-The Good Life/Always a Bridesmaid

I'm in a new music drought. I just tried using Jack's Mannequin as a jump-off on Last.fm and that was a giant failure, so any suggestions guys? I have a list of stuff that I want to check out, but I don't feel like it. I'm too busy replaying Jordin's "Battlefield" anyway. I like that "go on and yet YOUR ARMOR!" part, and yeah I kind of rock out at my desk.

NEED MUSIC SUGGESTIONS! Next month, I have albums from Brendan Benson, Cobra Starship and Patty Griffin to look forward to, but that's about it.  

I decided that I'm never going to be able to work any kind of scenester/emo kid get-up, no way and no how [it won't look right on me, even if I lose 15 pounds], so I'm going to stick to what works and wear my dresses as much as possible. I feel amazing and pretty and not like a slobby-slob. So it'll be me in some dress, with my awkward cadre of gay guys, and whatever. I will enjoy it and feel good about myself and maybe I'll look odd, but fuck it. I see enough people dressed like fools every day that it won't matter.

I'm about to start on book 6 of the Sookie Stackhouse series, which means there are 3 more to go. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say that there are several men in the books who would like to take Ms. Stackhouse "to bed," so to speak. The funny part is that none of them are human. And book!Sam continues to be awesome. I think show!Sam would be awesome too, but they have to incorporate characters that aren't huge roles in the books, like Jason and Terry and Tara and Lafayette. Anyway, the bottom line is that the books have been a ton of fun, and I'll be sad when I'm through with the most current one. Charlaine does seem to crank them out quickly, though! I tend to forget that I'm a fast reader when I get going/like what I'm reading, so that's always nice to remind myself about.

Let me take a break from my piecemeal watching of "True Blood"... Except to note that I'm currently reading Book 3 of the Sookie Stackhouse series, and in Book 3, it is revealed that Sam Merlotte is only like 29-30, which makes me wonder if Alan Ball wanted Sam to be older, or if Trammell read for someone else and they decided he'd make a good Sam Merlotte, or what... I like that TV!Sam is older, actually, because it makes for a better portrayal of "protecting Sookie,"  and you feel the whole "world-weary," mysterious, aspect of his personality more.

One of the downsides to living in a city and not driving is the absence of singing in the car, which I think I've discussed before. I listened to Jack's Mannequin all day, and I particularly want to sing La La Lie at the top of my lungs, but I can't do it. I look like a freak on the street, if I do so. I didn't like JM the first time I heard him, but the voice is growing on me, slowly but surely. I feel like there's something extra emo/whiny about McMahon's voice, so I get snobby about liking it, but I think I prefer him to Conor Oberst, so... "I'm coming back to my girl by July" is just so...SO. It's beautiful, I think. And the Beatle-esque brass on Holiday From Real just gets me every time. It reminds me of Penny Lane, if you want to know the truth.

I think I'm going home on Saturday, so I'll have to make a Target run and get in some good car singing. I'm liking a couple of Animal Collective songs, too. It's not like, knock you on your ass amazing music, and I don't understand why certain indie music afficionados make such a fuss over them, but a couple of the songs are cool and summery and exhilarating.

There are 4 things I want from the Nars fall collection. I have a birthday coming up, but I need to get my mitts on the makeup and figure out who sells it. Can't trust Sephora or Bluemercury. Maybe I'll actually purchase online?

I also want:


And this bracelet from Urban Outfitters, which just my luck, none of the stores near me will have so I can't try it on to see if it fits my wrist. Hard stuff, right?

Sometimes it's funny to look back on what music you were listening to at a certain point in your life. I always think about the summer before my senior year of college when I was interning at MSNBC and commuting about 20 minutes each way, every day. I was listening to this crazy combination of Annie, Belle & Sebastian, and Jason Mraz. I remember thinking that the drive wasn't nearly long enough. I remember sitting at my desk, thinking about how I couldn't wait to get back into the car so I could listen to Annie's "Heartbeat" again.

Some people say that they were raised around music. I really wasn't, but some of the stuff my parents introduced me to has had a lasting impression, witness:
-Phil Spector/Wall of Sound stuff
-Donna Summer
-Natalie Cole
-Frank Sinatra
-the Gypsy soundtrack
-Paul Simon's Graceland and Rhythm of the Saints
-this random Elton John greatest hits tape, I think it's #3

( Meme, via [info]inlipstickred )