First things first, alright? Every time I see Adam Lambert on Idol, I want to go watch Hedwig... C'mon, boy- show some love for the East Coast drag scene, or whatever it is that spawned Squeezebox and Hedwig... "Angry Inch?" "Tear Me Down?" Oh, if only more people knew those songs.

WORK was ugh. I'm cranky and pissy about how I can't go to lunch when I want to and how I have to do 8 things at once and I can't remember certain things sometimes. (you have a job; you have a job; you have a job that you don't totally hate) And I'm behind on my laundry so I have nothing to wear, and total "dressing block" in the morning and I'm late. So maybe we reevaluate and I start bringing lunch to work now so I can eat when I want to, but people still bother me while I'm eating so I guess I work around it, but it's annoying above all that I can't just take a break when I need to, because the guy who covers for me will be like, okay 5 minutes THEN okay 5 minutes THEN okay let me get some tea and have a smoke and 5 minutes turns into 20 and I'm ready to kick something.

So I almost had a fit and scratched myself and slammed things and day-dreamed about buying cigarettes and hilighting my hair, none of which is happening, btw. What I really did was listen to the Elvis Perkins in Dearland album which is pretty damn good and it was cathartic and atmospheric and it made my day. It's similar to his first album without being too much so.

The big middle finger of the day goes out to Walmart Soundcheck for only having Kelly Clarkson do two new songs on her "episode." I really hope that wasn't her decision or the record company's.

Fuckfuckfuck. I went to check ticket prices for the Mastodon show and SOLD OUT. In 2.5 days. And this is not someone's basement that they're playing in. Fuckfuckfuck. I feel pretty pissed, especially b/c I would have gotten tickets for myself and MD. Poop. Basically though, if he had been in charge of getting tickets, we'd be in the same situation, b/c he's a flake in that sense, but I still feel bad.

So this is now the 3rd metal show that I'll be missing, and I took great pleasure in slightly horrifying my mother by telling her I'd have to leave early on Mother's Day for this show.

Kelly Clarkson out tomorrow. Elvis Perkins out tomorrow. Idol Top 13 FINALLY. And then there's laundry to take care of, 3 loads I think.

I made salmon in the toaster oven tonight (on broil), off of a recipe from Eric Ripert, the fancypants chef at NYC's Le Bernardin. And you know what, it came out pretty well! Freaking $10 for 6 ounces of salmon, though, which is ridiculous. I need to find some cheap, decent seafood. And then I cleaned out my fridge and my medicine cabinet and that went pretty well; got rid of a lot of old stuff.

I go...back to black to back to freaking out. I think I'm maybe giving MD too much credit here, but part of me thinks that maybe he thinks I was weird the other night because I like him or something, which is honestly not true. And I wish we knew each other better so I could clarify this. B/c maybe we were going to go to some other show this Sunday but that was before Thursday night happened and I have no clue what the deal is now. I tend to over-analyze everything, but I don't think guys in general over-analyze to that extent, so I'm probably working myself up for nothing, but again, I'd be really sad to lose this little thing that we have going, because I think it's good. I'm so, so bad at this stuff...

I haven't heard back from him about Sunday, and I guess if I don't hear from him by Friday, I'll try a text, but with him, sometimes I'll get an answer within minutes, and sometimes I won't at all. He's really odd like that. My mind goes to the "I hope he's not avoiding me place", but I did get texts on Friday morning so I don't even know and everything is so tenuous and I'm just..ugh.

Right now, I'm all about: Kelly Clarkson, Josh Ritter, pining for spring, headbands, lots of bracelets, David Cook & BOUH, and maybe Idol. I saw the dog from down the hall again last night which made my day as usual. His owner was all, "I can put you in touch with a breeder! In Queens!" Hold on, lady. Not ready for that quite yet. I'll put up with your fluffball and dream of one of my own, and when it's warm and I can go watch the dogs at the park.

I listened to The Smiths and The Jam all day. I really f-ing love The Smiths and I always forget that, and I love how sassy Morrissey gets in some place and just...typical me, typical me I started something. I want to blast it. I'm still on MD-music-sabbatical. Cracked? Sure.

WTF is this shit- I got not much sleep last night but made it through the day and was all set to go to the gym when I got home, and then, sitting on the subway, started to get stuffy and sniffly and sore throat-y. So, took a little nap and didn't feel any better, so no gym (I'm afraid of picking up more germs), so this is just what I need. I can't exactly take a sick day; I'm not in a good position to do so.

On the upside, the Dog Show is on. Fuck and yes. If I miss the toy group again, I'm going to be real pissed. My neighbors were like, playing fetch with their Havanese in the hall last night. I think he's going to run into my apartment one day and I'm never going to let him go.... When did Mary Carillo turn into such a man??