Let's discuss a few things:

-how awesome tomato/basil/mozzarella sandwiches are, especially with added balsamic vinegar

-I "maintained" my weight- hooray! Can't wait 'til I'm 5 lbs down. That'll be a little milestone.

-how I had to On Demand "Watchmen" twice b/c I forgot I only got a 1-day rental, and how the movie was totally not worth it, and boy am I glad I saved $11 and didn't see it in the theater

-how boring work is. My boss is on vacation for most of the month, and most of the principals are gone for the first 3 weeks of the month, on and off. The phones are not ringing off the hook. I can't even go organize/archive things, because that means having DD come sit in for me, and I hate leaving him at the front desk, and he has his own work to do and it's not fair.

SO HERE'S WHERE YOU COME IN: Even my daily blogroll is getting exhausted. What blogs should I be reading-music, fashion, comics whatever-related? What music should I check out?

I'm having a little bit of a hard time getting into "So You Think You Can Dance." I want to love it b/c so many people do, but I have no idea what I'm watching. I know nothing about dancing, and it's not as easy to judge as singing, so I'll think something looks good and then Mary Murphy will be like, "Eh, just okay for me." I can't tell the difference between "Oh yeah, that looks hard to you, but it's nothing if you know how to really dance" and "OMG Hot Tamale Train!" To me, it's like watching gymnastics or ice skating- I'm always afraid that the dancers won't "stick" their flips or landings. I do hold my breath a little when they do some of the tougher moves. I'm hoping I get into it more as the season progresses.

I'm officially fatter than I've ever been in my life. Hooray! Seeing the number on my little Weight Watchers card was quite a wake-up call, so I have a ton of motivation to lose this weight and more. I'm not sure how much I could lose, but if I could maintain at 130, I'd be thrilled, bmi index be damned.

Also, YAY "True Blood." I'll be honest, I kind of want Sam and Sookie to hook up at some point. I think Sam Tramell is foxier than Stephen Moyer, for sure.

Another night, another stifling gay bar...alas. DK came to visit and we went to bed at 4am this morning and then went up and went to Shake Shack and I know I keep ripping on it, but it is rather tasty. And the burgers are deceptively filling! It's just...I guess there's no real definition of what a "real" burger is. Like, there's the big pink and juicy kind like my dad makes, and then there's the smaller, browner, Shack burger which is also delicious. So I should stop being a partial hater and just enjoy the fact that it's tasty and relateively cheap.

So, folks, what's better- Pandora or Last fm? Or is each one good for something different? Inquiring minds want to know.

I have weird feelings about Idol.... Anyway, my mom watched GLEE and she looooved Matthew Morrison, and she thought the show was pretty cute, so maybe that's something we can "watch together." She did get to see Lea in our school's production of "Carnival" but I don't know if she remembers much about the show. I really don't, except I thought it was a fucking weird show.

I'm obsessed with this song "Cut-off Time" (Omarion feat. Kat DeLuna) and it's not the thing I'd normally dig, but it's fun and it makes me want to dance. If anything, 2009 is going to be the year I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Dancing. Starting with New Years to the Lindstrom show to Metro Area to even when I was in Connecticut a couple of weeks ago. Actually, if you want to be honest, the seeds were planted last July in CT but the postscript to this year is going to be: "I learned to love dancing without being kind of drunk" and that's the really important thing. So I'm finally trying out "So You Think You Can Dance" b/c everyone loves it and it looks like fun.

Funny moment from work today: I mentioned to one of my co-workers that some of the principals were at a meeting at the Department of Buildings to discuss these two projects on the Upper East Side and he goes, "Oh, where?" and I told him the addresses and one happened to be not just near his building but WAS his building. So uh, he and his girlfriend might have to be looking for a new place soon. It doesn't read very funny, and it's not like ha-ha funny, but the whole unfolding of the discovery and the reaction was like hee-OH SHIT. Good thing no one's going to tear down my building anytime soon. Fun Fact: I live in the building that the Jeffersons "moved to" (it's in the opening credits of the show).

I've decided that next week I must absolutely head back to Weight Watchers. It would be cool to lose 10 pounds by my birthday, or even 8, depending on how things go. That gives me 2 months; I think it's doable. It's just a matter of getting the weight loss to stick last time. I was doing really well last summer until August when I just strayed off after this one (amazing) weekend. But I'm getting disgusted with myself, so it has to stick this time.

I think I'm going to let my hair grow for a while, but figure out what to do with my bangs. They never freaking stay in place. Inevitably though, I'll get fed up with long and sticky summer hair and contemplate chopping it and then cut it only 1.5 inches and complain that it's too short. And so it goes.

I have to go to this cocktail party tomorrow night and I'm wearing the dress I wore to my prom. And I didn't think it would fit me b/c I was thinner when I had my prom, but it does fit b/c it's...an 8. And I got that dress when I was 15 or 16, which means I'm about the same weight that I was when I was 15-16? So was the dress big on me the first time I wore it? I'm honestly confused about this. It's an Italian sizing, so the 8 is probably closer to an American 6, but still...whatever. The dress fits me and it's awesome b/c it has fairies on it, folks. Observe:



YAY IDOL.

Listening to a Metro Area song and not hating it. I decided that like 2 years later, I don't totally hate "Umbrella" either. One has time to evaluate when not being assaulted with it. You know what's never going to be a good song in my eyes? Halo.

So...I wanted to go to the schmancy J Crew collection store which is near my place, but I found it to be lacking in inventory, and I decided to go to J Crew for real, which is on 45th and Madison. So I bypassed the J Crew at Rockefeller Center (which I just remembered existed NOW), and headed down to 45th, basically walking 40 blocks in my $12.99 flats. It was um, exhilarating, and let's face it, fatty needs as much walking as possible. All of the weight I've gained this year has gone straight to my stomach and thighs. I haven't had good upper legs in years, but this is the first time my skin actually burned rubbing against itself. It's kind of gross, but it happens. Maybe I need to work with a trainer to figure out how to get this weight off pronto. I can still hide it under dresses, but it would be nice to be able to get some shorts and not feel like a truck.

Madison Avenue this afternoon was lovely, though. People and their cute dogs and lots of dyed blond hair. I'm glad I got some excercise, even if it was low-impact. The best thing that happened was finally finding some polo shirts (at J Crew), and then finding out that the price was knocked down to $19.50 per shirt from a ridiculous $39.50. I'm very paticular about my polo shirts (some of them have too many buttons), so this was a small victory.

YES YES YES


ALSO: Girl Scout Cookies. They're definitely making them smaller, but they're still fun.

I'm going to go cook something, sort of. And rock out.

Fuckfuckfuck. I went to check ticket prices for the Mastodon show and SOLD OUT. In 2.5 days. And this is not someone's basement that they're playing in. Fuckfuckfuck. I feel pretty pissed, especially b/c I would have gotten tickets for myself and MD. Poop. Basically though, if he had been in charge of getting tickets, we'd be in the same situation, b/c he's a flake in that sense, but I still feel bad.

So this is now the 3rd metal show that I'll be missing, and I took great pleasure in slightly horrifying my mother by telling her I'd have to leave early on Mother's Day for this show.

Kelly Clarkson out tomorrow. Elvis Perkins out tomorrow. Idol Top 13 FINALLY. And then there's laundry to take care of, 3 loads I think.

I made salmon in the toaster oven tonight (on broil), off of a recipe from Eric Ripert, the fancypants chef at NYC's Le Bernardin. And you know what, it came out pretty well! Freaking $10 for 6 ounces of salmon, though, which is ridiculous. I need to find some cheap, decent seafood. And then I cleaned out my fridge and my medicine cabinet and that went pretty well; got rid of a lot of old stuff.

I weighed myself this morning, and I thought that I'd topped off at 145, but no. I'm firmly in my usual fat weight, which is a comfort, of sorts. I'd rather start from 140 than 145. Normally, I see the weight gain in my face, but this time it appears to all have gone to my thighs and stomach. I have my work cut out for me! Walked a little over 1.5 miles, and will probably do the same tomorrow. I'll have to watch myself on Wednesday, as we're going out of town, but I think I'm finally back on the right track. The chicken and couscous that I made for dinner wasn't very good, but I tried. I cannot survive only on Lean Cuisine and popcorn.

(again, I know 140 doesn't seem like a lot, but it's not a flattering number on my frame)

I had this beer over the weekend, and granted it was at a place with fancy beers, but the damn thing really knocked me out. I guess maybe beer isn't my friend right now? I have to watch it... it wasn't the heaviest choice on the menu, and maybe I was tired to begin with, but it was annoying. And wine is never my friend because it goes down so easily. I guess my best choice for social drinking would be mixed things, the old standby, the vodka/tonic, or White Russians or screwdrivers or something. Takes a while for those to kick in, unless I'm making them myself. I wish I knew my alcohol limitations by now, but they're so schizophrenic. It would be nice to go out and KNOW how much I could/could not drink, instead of it always being a crap shoot. Of course, drinking is not the most important part of a night out for me, but it would be great to not get sick from having 2 vodka/tonics one night and then have 4 different things the next night and be totally fine. I don't think I'm ever going to figure it out...

I've also noticed that I swear more than anyone I know; I don't know why. I don't think it makes me cool or anything, nor do I listen to especially swear-y music. At this point, it appears to be a reflex. None of my friends curse all that much, except maybe BN, and he's sequestered thousands of miles away. Gotta watch that mouth.

I'm 25 in 6 months- eep!

Also, can "True Blood" please be back on, like, NOW? I have plenty of other shows stored on the DVR, but I think I'm going to have to go and re-watch S1 again, along with "Darjeeling." Stupid, cheesy, vampires!

Ha ha, Sixburgh. The game was fairly boring until the last 10 minutes or so. How come they didn't show anyone's paretns or wives or whatnots? The Ben-berger is young enough to have Mom and Dad at the big game. It's really different when your team's not playing in The Big One, obviously, but I was somewhere in space during the Giants-Ravens game, so I didn't quite notice the impact of that factor until last season. And before that, I routed for the Patriots, and I wanted the Colts to win their game so...

I got a massage today and I couldn't seem to clear my head while it was happening. My mind was just inundated with thoughts and more thoughts. I think last time I got a massage, I fell asleep, and I was kind of hoping that the same thing would happen this time. After, I stopped by this Italian market near my place and got a fatty late lunch, which is fine, because The Diet: Part 4 starts tomorrow. You know why I'm serious? Because I had my mother bring my scale in this afternoon, the better to monitor the loss/gain. I'm going to forget about the Weight Watchers for right now and just do baby steps- more protein, more excercise, less bad stuffs, and then maybe go back to WW online. It would be nice to lose 5 lbs and then 10 and then maybe 20? I'd be happy to hang out at 125, which is doable, because I got to 128 when I was 17, so it's just a few more.

I finished "A Confederacy of Dunces" for the 2nd time, and it's such an amazing book, and the ending is still so unexpected and vaguely romantic when you consider the rest of the story. Quite an achievement in storytelling. I wonder if Toole would have written a sequel (had he not committed suicide); the world will never know. So what do I read now? I can go back to one of my vaguely depressing music books, re-read "Honey for the Bears," re-read something else, or try to pick back up with "Jitterbug Perfume." I'm kind of itching to read "Silence of the Lambs" again, which I really liked the first time around.

Mike, last night: "You have a coffee table book about Chanel under a book about hardcore. That's pretty much you."

And then later: "...and you watch football. That's the other piece." Yep, that's it...perfect summation. That's the way I like it. But it's also why I feel like I've never fit in anywear...just flit around.

I'm still giddy about THEM and just nice, decent, intelligent, thoughtful, sweetie-heart guys that I didn't think existed, which is just something I like to say, because most of my male friends are lovely, but these two are like another dimension. I think it's because none of my friends are into music stuff, so it's really nice when I get to share that with someone, or two someones.

I'm going to try to go back to Weight Watchers this Tuesday. I bet the meeting will be filled with post-New Years "I'm going to lose weight this year" types of people. Of course, that means that Lawrence will call me on Tuesday and say, "Let's get dumplings!" and I won't say no, and we'll go and it will be lovely, because soup dumplings are one of life's greatest pleasures, I think. Or maybe he won't, and I'll go, and I'll get motivated again, and I'll be thin by my birthday and I won't get disgusted when I look in the mirror and I'll feel amazing.

Patrick Stump wearing lipstick and rouge? No, no, no. And why would you change it to Dr. Benzedrine from Mr. Benzedrine?? Silly boys. I don't like the way the characters matched up for that video, nope. Seems counter-productive, unless they do pop up from time to time.

DORKINESS: I watched this adorable "Making of...Pretty Odd" on Buzznet the other night, and aside from reaffirming my desire to squeeze Spencer Smith's little face, I silently cheered when he said that "9 in the Afternoon" came from him saying, "It feels like 7 in the afternoon," which made me think of Ringo Starr coining, "A hard day's night." And then as the show progressed, I started thinking, "God, they really are like little copied-way-down Beatles!" I know, I know- comparing Panic to the Beatles is really weird, but there was something in that little show that made think Beatlesque thoughts.

And then as I was getting ready for bed and thinking, "Aw, Spencer, good on you for sort of coining the phrase, just like Ringo," it hit me- they're both drummers. So yay for drummers with weird turns of phrases.

I think I'm going to run home for a bit tomorrow for hugs and football and calming my crazy mind down.

And I can't stop eating, either. Every Sunday, I say- Okay, Monday you will start over again. Back to Weight Watchers and the gym. What happened to my gym epiphany from August, huh? I'm getting fatter and more disgusted with myself, and yet it's cold and I'm lazy and I can't seem to find the drive to do anything healthful. Maybe this week? Maybe never. Obviously, I'm not going to let myself get any higher than 145 or 150, because then it's really going to start to show, but I would like to be able to reign in this marathon of eating before it gets even close to that point, because 150 lbs. would not suit someone of my height.

I could give two shits about the Redskins, but I almost burst into tears watching Clinton Portis carry out the flag with Sean Taylor's #21 on it before the game started. Apparently, they were very close. But above all, my Giants are NOT sucking, and totally a playoff lock, and they are a TEAM, and I love them, except for Bob Costas getting all righteous indignation about Plaxico Burress's stupidity. He got totally all "old white guy," grilling Tiki Barber about what purpose is served by an athlete bringing a loaded weapon into a club. Oh, Costas.

I can't believe I watched all of True Blood yesterday and Friday. And I'm not having vampire nightmares, which is cool- because the vampires on the show are not scary. But there doesn't appear to be a lot of fanfic out there. That's the next step, right? Go look for the fanfic once you fall in love with the show.

Today consisted of eating pizza, sleeping, and watching football. At this rate, I am never going to get to the Whitney, the NY Public Library or the FIT museum before the exhibits I want to see close. And forget about getting some frames or lamps- pfft. In terms of sitting on my ass, this has been a banner of an extended weekend.

We stuffed a turkey. And then I stuffed myself. It was weird not to have my cousins here and be watching football. The dynamic was really different this year- took a while for everyone to warm up, but eventually it was fine and everyone was gone by 7:15 which is good and we had kitchen help and now I'm just like a little rock that waddles.

Totally missed the dog show. There will be others.

And here's my classy Thanksgiving anecdote: I downed a glass of wine in about 8 minutes and then felt like I was going to collapse so I went upstairs and passed out on my bedroom floor for 10 minutes. And so goes my weird relationship with alcohol. I'm not some raging alcoholic, I just drink really fast. Too fast. So I have to watch myself at every moment. Too bad I like wine so much.

Hope everyone else had good food/friends/family. ♥ ♥

Not that Dayton Hudson gives two shits or anything, but the Christina Aguilera/Target commercial is really sloppy. I read about it first - how they had to edit the song for TV air - before I actually saw the commercial, and it's kind of jarring, the way it sounds when it's all chopped up. If I was the person working on that commercial, I would have had Christina re-cut the lines so at least it sound a little better. Maybe- "sometimes I'm a super brat" and instead of "...don't give an AH!", like, "don't care one bit?" The song's a total earworm...deserves to sound better, even if CA's totally biting from Lady Gaga.

I'm getting fatter and fatter. Where did my energy/will to lose weight disappear to? Weight Watchers- what's that? And since it's winter, I'm all about warm foods, not so much the salads, and yet it's getting cold so I don't want to leave my desk. And on the one hand, that's good because maybe I can make lunch and bring it to work, but on the other hand- there are no indoor public spaces in the Grammercy/Murray Hill/Flatiron area, not like in Midtown. Oh, how I miss the Sony building! So I could eat at my desk and be healthy and stay warm and...be interrupted. Them's the breaks.

Aaaand I'm getting sick; I feel the stirrings of a cold, which is perfect, just in time for the hectic day at work that tomorrow will produce. Our Thai clients are coming to the office, plus 4 other meetings and waiting on the Thai clients and hand and foot...phew. I hate how my bosses are usually very laissez-faire about everything but when there's a big client or fancy visitor, they suddenly snap to attention and I'm always a little blindsided. It's like, "Oh now, you want to make an effort?" Our old office was so disgusting for the kind of work that the firm does. It made such a poor impression. I think it will all go fine, though, just as long as we find a decent lunch place and I'm not totally nasal/sniffly.

TODAY: Whitney, church (?), Laundry, Giants game, but something will throw a wrench in there.

Last night we did hot pot at home and it was awesome and fun and filling, except for how my friend only puts noodles in at the end. Boo! But it was delicious and we tried to make these rum-based drinks and they were strong as all get-out. I had one real one and then one 151/juice and that totally did me in. I haven't gotten drunk-sick in a while- it's awesome waking up after 3 hours of sleep, sick and sweaty. The worst part, as usual, is that I wasn't expecting it, since I didn't have too much to drink and I didn't drink it too fast either. The moral of the story is that I should probably stick to beer and vodka and no giant rum drinks!! Hot Pot is like a minor deity though. So are soup dumplings. I got to take in more of Chinatown than I ever have before, including one lone turtle who climbed into the frog tank at one of the supermarkets. I can't help it- I get a little squicky about seeing live animals that aren't lobsters at the supermarket, part of the culture or not. If D'Agostino had a chicken pen in the back of the store, that would freak me out, too.

Apparently I'm seeing M83 on Friday, which should be cool, I think. It's finally come down to me having to get tickets, which really should have been the plan from the beginning. I don't know what this stupid boy's deal is, and I wish I knew him better so I could bust his chops about it or say WTF is wrong with you? If we go to another show, I think I'm just going to suggest that I get tickets anyway, because I'll actually do it, unlike Mr. "Oh, I'm getting tickets tonight. Wait, I never did! And it's a week later and I never even told you!"

Middle finger on one hand: to D'Agostino, for not selling regular chili, which is what I really, really wanted tonight. All they sell is the Taco Bell brand, and Hormel. Both look kind of gross. I wanted Amy's, dang it!

Other middle finger: to the ass clowns who are drilling and/or jackhammering right now. What gives, guys? Some of us want to chill out after work. Time to crank up the Queen, mm?

Two Subway Pet Peeves:

1. People who insist on reading and holding up their reading material while standing on a very crowded train.
2. Men who sit with their legs spread really wide, taking up space where a person could actually sit.

In happier news, I have conquered my inability to make grilled cheese, finally. Turns out that PAM, while an awesome butter substitute in some situations, isn't great for grilled cheese. So thanks, Ed Levine, and by extension, the lovely roboppy . I can now do something that your average 13 year-old probably knows how to do. Next up- making it with apples and brie: mmmmm.

I'm 80% sure I'm getting a cold- fudge. And all I want to do is crawl into bed and I'm hot/cold and hungry/not and it's that general unpleasantness. I got pizza from a different place tonight and it was the worst pizza I have ever had. It was so g-d depressing, you guys. It had no taste and I believe there was tomato paste on it, not actual tomato sauce. Cross Mimi's off the list, yep.

I'm not the sort of person who fawns over "Family Guy," but there's this episode called "Chick Cancer" and it's so, so good. So many things to love, all wrapped into one tiny animated bundle.

I hate that the Republicans are at it again, with the "us versus them" mentality. I hate that so many people buy into it. I believe in God. I go to church. I pray. My parents and my family worked hard for everything that they have, and yet we live in the liberal, elite, Northeast, so oh, we don't count. Never mind that my grandmother built her business from the ground up in the '50s when women weren't exactly entrepreneurs. No, the only people who count are in the middle of Podunk, Arkansas. I know that not all Republicans believe in this, but it makes me so sad that they can get away with this bullshit. Whatever, I know we're just as good as they are. I just want to know when it became bad to be smart. Like someone pointed out in the NYT op-ed this morning- military commanders are elite. Neurosurgeons are elite. Don't you want to be in the care of the elite people? Good point. Stop calling me a heathen because I believe in sex-ed.

I...oh, this song. I wrote a whole gushy page about the emotions behind it after I listened for the first time. It's so, so different. I know a lot of people are going to loathe this album. I'm late to the FOB party so I can't vouch for being in love with them during the TTTYG-era. But I am happy that they are evolving, happy Patrick's figuring out his voice, happy Patrick is getting to futz around with crazy production. Some of this new stuff is going to be hard to translate to live performances, and it's really going to lose something without the horns/strings, and all of the multi-layered vocals. Seeing Okkervil River, where the lead singer has 3 people on backup vocals, really makes me wish that Patrick had some help. Joe is there, but he ain't great when it comes to backing up Stumptastic.

I'm trying to train myself to think about what food I have at home first before I run for chips or cookies. It is also an absolute fact that I cannot bring Pringles into my place unless I'm drunk or haven't eaten anything all day. Because that commercial is correct- Once I pop, I can't stop. They go down so easy! But so far, so good- I have 3 days worth of meals with some crazy chicken/pasta dish.

Here's an example of how I continue to chip away at myself: our firm was in New York magazine for a feature on before/after neighborhood architecture. I handled all of the images and whatever and I had asked the contact to please send copies of the magazine when it came out but she obviously didn't write it down because I had to order the back issues online and the guy I spoke to this morning told me that it takes 4-5 weeks for them to be delivered. I know, serves me right. But still- WTF? It doesn't say that on the online order form. Bitches.

Me: But, don't you have some copies lying around? The issue is only 2 weeks old.
NYMag: Um, we don't do that.
Me: Can you tell me if you at least have some lying around? We'll pay you!
NYMag: No, we don't do that.

And the chorus goes- FUCK. My boss was kind of pissed. I told him I learned my lesson. The worst part is that I can't even call up the person who contacted us originally because the emails are lost, which I just discovered this morning. I have a 2 1/2 week chunk of emails missing. WTF is up with that, by the way? How does that happen? Our IT guy has no idea. Luckily, I have the woman's name in my notebook. I just have to hope she's still there.

I'm making progress, food-wise: I wanted comfort-food-noodles, especially of the Drunken, Thai, variety and I was going to splurge and spend more money on delivery but I sharpened up and went to Food Emporium and got lo mein noodles and chili/sesame oil and made my own Frankenstein stir-fry. It didn't come out too, too badly... spicier than I thought it would be. I just...hate dishes/cleanup. But don't we all. Saving money is the way to go. And I have mad leftovers.