I WENT FOR YOU IN MILITARY TERMS

all my friends were vampires...

2009-12-28T04:10:46Z

Netflix has the Friday Night Lights series available for instant watch. Fuck and yes! It's going to kill my hard drive, but I'll go down happy. As for real football- the Giants absolutely shit the bed this afternoon, but the Jets pulled it out, somehow. I don't know what Indianapolis was thinking with like, anything, unless it was "protect our precious Peyton Manning". But good job being horrible, Giants. Way to close out your namesake stadium! To the freaking Panthers, no less. Watch- they'll win next week's meaningless game against the Vikings. Then again, if it means the Vikes drop a seed in the playoff picture, I'm all for it.

In other news, I don't want to go to work tomorrow! At least it will be another quiet week. There will be like 15 people in the office, out of about 40. It's kind of pathetic and boring. Last night was...interesting, and I didn't drink too much, but I still felt horrid all day today. I don't know if it was the wine or something else. I haven't gotten sick from wine in a while. Then again, nothing about my schizophrenic alcohol tolerance surprises me at this point. I got to see both visitors-from-abroad (my dearest darlingest and his friend), and I learned that the latter has a much better memory that I thought, 'cause he remembered something I'd said almost 2 years ago. Sure, it was of a sexual nature, but why remember something like that? Anyway, this guy is someone who gave me hell in middle school and maybe in high school, and if you'd told me 10 years ago that one day I'd be really happy to see him and hang out with him, I would have called you crazy. People evolve and change and it's a wonderful thing on occasion.

anglichanka @ 2009-12-25T23:11:00

2009-12-26T04:11:19Z

So, as it turns out, Christmas was not the fustercluck that I was expecting it to be. My parents and aunt came into the city last night to retrieve me, and we went to mass at this church near my place, which was really lovely, and I was appreciative. I enjoy church choirs a lot. Today was not so bad. My aunt didn't have any kind of crying breakdown. My cousin didn't show up, but at least he called ahead of time to let us know that he'd be showing up later, if at all, and he wouldn't be here for dinner. That's an improvement over his normal behavior.

My parents got me, among other things, one of those single cup coffee makers. Oh, is my life about to get 10x easier! I'll save money on coffee, and I won't have to worry about making it in the morning. I got myself a little coffee grinder so I could get whole bean coffee, but as it turns out, I suck at making coffee, so whatever. I'm not embarrassed. I'd rather have this single cup dealie and be able to just pop the coffee pod it and be able to have coffee at home before I leave in the morning, because I am a hungry, grumpy person without coffee. I feel a little bit like a domestic failure, but so it goes.

I do think my parents need a grandchild to spoil very soon. My aunt, too. My mother still enjoys getting me a lot of stuff, even though I'm 25. It didn't wind up being an excessive amount of goods, but the way she was talking... Yeah, I definitely need to have a kid within the next 10 years, so she's in prime "spoiling grandma" mode. I do want her to have some grandkids because I think she would enjoy it so much, and she'd have an excuse to go buy cute baby clothes.

Tomorrow, I think a trip to Costco is in order. And maybe an excursion to find me some dress pants, because I'm lacking in that department. Also, I will hopefully get to see my wonderful boy-friend. It sucks that I've talked to him twice but haven't gotten to see him yet. He's home only for a short time. I'm very Eeeeeee! inside.

long time no see, long time no say

2009-12-22T02:39:20Z

Posting this again, because I love it so much:
This one, too:

I've noted it before, but it bears repeating- Phoenix is *great* driving music. And great strutting music. It's impossible to hear some of their bouncier songs and not be cheered up.

I don't think it's too early to do this

2009-12-21T00:47:01Z

In a nutshell, here's what I liked about this year:
-turning 25, and actually having a good birthday for once
-spending New Years with my lovely and charming boy-friends
-How I Met Your Mother
-Parks & Recreation
-Bill Hader
-Lady Gaga (once I stopped hating)
-Glee
-finally getting a chance to see Firefly/Serenity
-Andrew McMahon and his bands
-the presence of expatiates & mclittlebitch & tirtzah in my life
-getting back into "lose weight" mode
-getting to Carmel, CA
-going back to Boston for the first time since graduation
-True Blood
-Magnolia Electric Co./Songs: Ohia
-Charlotte Hatherley up close and personal at Bat For Lashes
-Allison Iraheta
-the continuance of my "stop being a music snob and just love everything" trajectory
-Skins
-Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
-eating lunch in Madison Square Park

-my grandmother passing away
-pay cuts/layoffs at work
-it's hard to lose weight in winter!
-freaking out in CA
-losing one of my charming boy-friends

...so it wasn't a bad year, really.

my heart is better than your heart

2009-12-18T04:07:49Z

Safari is so much faster than Firefox, but I don't want to give up Firefox b/c of my little LiveJournal add-on. I'm a baby. Maybe I'll try it again; who knows. My Google Reader seems to work better in Safari, too. And Google Maps and Weight Watchers don't crash all of the time.

Once upon a time, I had this Dell laptop that lasted for about 4.5 years. And then sometime in that fourth year and sixth month, I heard a strange ticking sound, and went to turn on the computer, and I think it...didn't. So we had our IT guy come over, and basically what happened is that the fan overloaded with dust build-up, and killed the hard drive. Because no one ever tells you to clean out the internal fan from time to time. I guess it should be common knowledge, but it's not something that most people think about.

Where I am now is that my Mac (which always got pretty warm, pretty fast) is getting warmer, faster. I'm petrified of hearing that ticking sound and the "sorry, not turning" on thing happening again. But I don't want to be without a computer for days. I'm pretty sure the fan just needs to be cleaned out, but I don't know if that's something that the Mac store can do in an hour, or if it's something that's going to take 3 days and $200. I'm pretty sure the warranty on the computer is kaput. But I have my appointment at the genius bar tomorrow night, so I'll see what the geniuses have to say. Either that, or I get freaked out by every little computer noise, and every time the machine runs slightly slower. A smart panda would head this thing off before it gets any worse. I'm going to be a smart panda and hope for the best.

I looked into cleaning out the fan myself, but it's way too complicated and I don't want to risk injuring the computer. Too many little screws and pieces.

anglichanka @ 2009-12-15T23:56:00

2009-12-16T04:56:25Z

[you ever have one of those instances when some random line just pops into your head?]

december boys got it bad

2009-12-16T04:16:17Z

The good news is that I don't think my coworker is going to hold a grudge against me for accidentally finding out that he's leaving. He was fairly nice to me today. Again- not my fault!

I'm so not ready for Christmas this year. I only have 3 people to buy presents for, but I'm bitching about it. And everything just kind of crept up fast, with my grandmother passing away and my bank account taking a huge hit on account of my trip from freaking *September* and me just having a hard time getting my ass in gear. I'm just not feeling very Christmassy, and I know it's going to be kind of depressing without my grandmother and I'm just kind of not pumped about it. I wish it wasn't next week. Give me another 2 weeks, huh?

Winter is a horrible time to try and lose weight. There are no indoor public spaces in the Grammercy/Flatiron/Murray Hill area where I work, so if I want to sit some place, I actually have to buy lunch every day. The alternative is to bring lunch and eat at 12:30 and then just go out whenever Doug decides to roll up and relieve me, which does happen sometimes, but winter is weird. All I want are warm foods, not so much salads. So everything is kind of fattening. My only take-out options are half sandwiches at Pret [and Pret's whole sandwiches aren't even that filling] and Subway, if I don't go get a salad at Pax or the new place that opened. And that's another thing- I was so psyched for this new place, Bread & Butter to open, and turns out it's just another generic lunch place. It's a little nicer, but it's like a smaller version of Cafe 28, which is a few blocks away. NO OPTIONS!

I suspect that my computer is on the verge of overheating, due to a clogged fan. I don't think it's still under warranty, so I'll probably have to take it to Tekserve or something. I'm going to call Apple tomorrow and see what they recommend, but I'm not thrilled about giving the computer up for 3 or 4 days just so someone can clean the fan. I looked up how to do it online and it seems incredibly complicated, and not worth the stress.

Also, I'm reading "Wicked." I'd been halfway interested in it since I first heard about it, but I think a combination of Glee doing "Defying Gravity" and all of the "Adam Lambert was an understudy!" sort of pushed me to really go for it. I'm almost done with it, and I can tell that it's going to be one of those situations where I go "Aww, I'm sad it's over!" when I finish it. I was going to actually try and go see the musical after finishing the book, but I read the musical summary on Wikipedia and I'm not thrilled about how they chopped up the book, so I'll probably skip that. It's interesting reading the book and trying to figure out what parts of it come into "The Wizard of Oz," obvious and not as obvious. she

oh hey, awkward

2009-12-15T04:33:03Z

Work is unintentionally lulzy, on occasion. L, one of my co-workers told me that she's leaving at the end of the month for a new job in Boston, but she hadn't told anyone at the time, especially O, another co-worker who she is close with.

Meanwhile, O himself is planning his escape, something that I've known about for at least a month and half now. Only he didn't know that I knew until today, when I sort of let it slip by accident. He asked me, "Do you know something that you shouldn't know that I don't know that you know?" or something to that effect, but he said it with a smile on his face, so I kind of 'fessed up. But I think he's kind of pissed about it, and as it turns out, not many of the other co-workers know. I emailed him and told him that I found out completely by accident, and he wrote back and reminded me to please keep it a secret and the ironic part is that he specifically wrote, "DO NOT tell L!"

Now, I don't know if O knows about L at this point, but I just think it's kind of funny that they're both working on departures (hers sooner), and they don't want the other to know. Meanwhile, I hope O isn't too pissed at me. Again, complete accident. I was looking through the VP's computer for an email that the boss needed RIGHT THAT SECOND, and saw that the VP had filled out a recommendation for one of the schools that O is applying to. WELL. I had been debating whether or not to say anything to him, because I'm genuinely interested as to why he'd be applying to business school, but I kept my mouth shut.

I hope this is yet another instance of me making a mountain out of a molehill, but if this goes on for a week and he's still acting sore at me, I'll probably say something.

And in the other corner, the Continuing Misadventures of Trying to Take a Timely Lunch Break. If it's not me being tied up for an extra half an hour, it's usually freaking DOUGLAS, who I swear is legit stupid sometimes. Keep in mind that my company laid off the other desk person last January, so Doug's had a little under a year to get in the habit of covering for me every day at 1pm, give or take. Today, it's 1:30 and I still haven't heard from him. I go back to where he sits, to do something else, and mention that I'd like to go to lunch. He nods. 10 minutes later, I call him and ask how he's running and he says "Oh, I didn't realize you wanted to go to lunch now." [gah!]

And then, of course I get tied up doing something for someone else and I don't get to actually leave for lunch until around 2:15. When I get back, I nicely say to Doug, "I'd really appreciate it if you could pay more attention to the time. I know you get busy, but we've been doing this for a year now, and if I was in your position, I'd be on top of things." And then he's all "I know, I know. I get busy." Well write a fucking note or something! I try to be nice about it and give him the benefit of the doubt because he doesn't make a lot of money and he's always being pulled in 5 different directions by different people, but he's just so honestly stupid sometimes. Some of it stems from the fact that he's miserable and gets paid little money, but L told me that he told her he did some jailtime once so it's hard for him to get a legit job that would pay more. Well, that ain't my fault. To make matters worse, he knows that I didn't get a pay cut when everyone else did, so I feel like he holds that against me, and I can't push him too much. But you know what? I'm the only person at my company who has to get someone to cover for me when I want to take a lunch break or get coffee. No one else has to do that, and it really sucks. Especially when I have to wait 15 minutes for Doug to get all settled in so I can be out for all of 15 minutes to just get a sandwich and come back, because he's so bad on the phones that I worry about him screwing up calls and pissing off my bosses. [which happens at least twice a week. but hey, I didn't hire Doug]

I have got to get out of this job!

...cause we belong together now

2009-12-11T02:40:32Z

Email from Mom, regarding last night's "Glee"-
I loved her "Don't Rain..".It's probably the best version I have ever heard outside of Barbra.And you're right,closing with Kelly was the best .I happen to really like the song,it's just the title that is so poor.
And ten the final kiss.I was so happy.At long last love.I liked when Quinn after the tender sit down asked Lea to leave,she wanted to be alone and Lea's look and then the great jerry curl comment

I can tell that my mother likes "Glee" a lot because she knows the names of the characters. I tried to get her into "Gilmore Girls" a few years ago, but she kept referring to Rory as "the girl" and Christopher as "the girl's father." She didn't quite get the names down. I'm just happy that we have something to squee over aside from "American Idol."

I am so irrationally proud of Lea for nailing "....Parade." And for being gorgeous in her own, non-Lively/Meester way.
It's years ago, but there was this other girl who was sort of in semi-competition with her for acting things, and I think they both went to the same acting camp, and Lea always got the leads, etc., etc.... I wonder what Emily thinks now. I'm sure she's over it, though. They had very different "looks" and personalities.

just smoke my cigarette and hush

2009-12-01T04:51:14Z

So, today was a ton of fun! I got yelled at early in the morning for something that was completely my fault, but I will be excuse-y and say that I was discombobulated and and got into work later than I wanted to and I was still trying to get organized and there's that whole "my grandmother just died" thing. I almost started crying on the phone with my boss. Well, I won't make that same mistake again, for sure, never. Unless it really is an accident, because communication is not my firm's strongest suit.

It was weird, today. Every time I didn't think about my grandmother, I was fine. When I did, I got really, really, unexpectedly sad & teary. Again, I'm not used to this, this losing people who are very close to me. She's really, really gone. She hadn't been herself for a while, even before she started on her big decline, but still. It's going to take a while to sink in.

ALSO: Drew Brees is fab, and I hope the Saints go all the way. (I've said it before, but it's still in play, this idea) The Saints made the Patriots look like pansies tonight.

On a lighter note:

Via alternatending

What was the last concert you attended?
Andrew McMahon

What bands have you seen in concert the most, and how many times?
Okkervil River 3 times. Spoon twice.

Do you have any setlists? From what bands?
No. I always get self-conscious and dweeby about trying to obtain one.

Are there any CDs in close proximity to you? Which ones?
Nope.

What band are you in the mood to see live right this second?
Jack's Mannequin.

Have you ever been on a tour bus?
Nope.

Have you ever partied with a band?
I have not.

How many states/provinces have you been to concerts in?
Just 2! NY & MA. Oh wait, NJ if you count the Idols Live show, so yeah. And Warped.

What bands did you see live the month of May?
I don't think I saw any, but I'm too lazy to check right now.

What CD are you addicted to at the moment?
No cd, but a combo of Gaga/Magnolia Electric/Butch Walker.

Who is one band that you used to like, but now you can’t stand?
Can't think of one.

Have you ever been on anyone’s guest list? Whose?
Noooo.

Last band person that you got a picture with?
Andrew McMahon- first and only time.

Do you consider yourself a groupie?
I do not.

How old were you when you went to your first concert?
17.

Who was it?
Warped tour '02 in Asbury Park, NJ. Alkaline Trio headlined one of the main stages, which was cool b/c I really liked them (still do). New Found Glory was playing on the next stage over at the same time, and I was really annoyed b/c I loathed them (still do).

Which artists haven’t you seen yet that you want to see?
Ted Leo, Neko Case, Jack's Mannequin, Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Cobra Starship

Are you wearing a band shirt right now?
I am not.

What band do you own the most merch of?
No one wins that one. It's a bunch of selected pieces.

Do you ever do anything crazy at shows?
I'm the one backing away from the crazies.

What are your favorite venues to go to shows at?
Don't have a favorite, but I did like the Paradise in Boston. I seem to wind up at Webster Hall a lot, though.

What band do you have the most performance pictures of?
Probably David Cook.

Would you ever get a tattoo representing a band?
No.

How many concerts do you average a year?
I was in a drought for a while, but I'm going to more lately (Hi, expatiates!).

Upcoming Shows?
Butch Walker this weekend. Hopefully seeing Spoon again when they go promote "Transference." Hopefully Ted Leo if he does a full-fledged tour when his new one comes out.

anglichanka @ 2009-11-29T16:05:00

2009-11-29T21:05:56Z

Well, my mother called to tell me that my grandmother passed away this afternoon. She was about a month shy of her 98th birthday, and we always thought she'd be one of those ladies to make it to 105, but it didn't quite work out that way. She had a long, successful, healthy life, but that doesn't change the fact that these week is going to be rough on my mother and her sisters and several other family members. Needless to say, I'm dreading it. I (luckily) haven't lost anyone close to me until today. All of my other grandparents died before I was born, and I wasn't all that close with my grandmother's other siblings who passed away previously. I'm proud of the life that my grandmother lead, of the values she instilled in me, of the children she raised. She will be missed very, very much.

Why is crying so exhausting? Seriously. What is it about the act of releasing tears that results in a physical toll on one's body?

no one's getting out without stadium love

2009-11-07T04:56:28Z

I want out of my job, so, so badly. I think this other co-worker of mine might take a job in Boston, even though she never considered moving back up there. And that other guy is leaving...I guess depending where/when he gets into school. Work is just going to suck. Of course, the smart panda thing to do would be to throw myself into looking everywhere for potential opportunities, but I remain lazy and unmotivated, and doing "homework" on a Friday night. A Friday night when I should be at L's, with his straight friends (for once!). I did make myself some pasta/pesto and squash for dinner and it came out half well. That spaghetti squash is a little trickier than I thought. Tasty, though.

My father asked me if he could talk to the career counselor about me and I'm kind of opposed to it. They can't use the "we're paying for it' excuse b/c I'm paying for once in my life. I just don't want her to tell him how unmotivated I am, and then I get yelled at. Again- my own fault. Sometimes I can't get out of my own way. Little things at work piss me off on a daily basis- people leaving half open coffee packets or wet paper towels on the kitchen counter. People leaving boxes around. Feeling like a housekeeper. Missing phone calls. Having a daily battle with the guy who covers for me, and he's off growing plants and attracting flies and generally being a nuisance.

& now, via alternatending
01. How old are you?
25

02. When is your birthday?
8/1/84

03. Working or studying?
Working!

04. Siblings?
none

05. Nicknames?
AC. If you want to be coy- Cookie Eating Tranny.

06. Real hair color?
dark brown

07. Height?
Just under 5'2"

08. Tan or pale?
Fair?

09. A recent photo of yourself?

10. Right or left-handed?
right

11. How many towns have you lived in?
Two. Three if you count Boston for college. Four if you count NYC.

12. Where are you living now?
Manhattan.

13. Heritage?
mostly Lebanese I suppose, with a little Syrian thrown in

14. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
My mother

15. Do you make friends easily?
not at all

16. Pets?
nope

17. Your weaknesses?
nice arms. sarcasm. intelligence. wrist/forearm tattoos

18. When was the last time you cried?
today!

19. Significant other?
not so much

20. What is your favorite pastime?
people watching. football

21. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
coming up: Thanksgiving & my cousin's wedding

22. What did you want to be when you were little?
A photographer. And then that switched to Senior Editor at Rolling Stone

23. Where would you retire to?
I can't really think about that yet. But some place with a view of a body of water.

24. What is your shoe size?
8 or 8.5

25. Your best physical feature?
I like my mouth.

26. Your bedtime?
Weekdays, between 12:30-1

27. Single or group dates?
I wouldn't know

28. Piercings?
Singles in my ears, 1 cartilage

29. Have you ever had braces?
yes

30. Smoke?
no

31. Cuss?
more than I should

32. Ever had surgery?
yes- on my eyelid

33. Websites that you visit daily?
Too many to list, but briefly- the curbed stuff, NYMagazine stuff, NYTimes, Idolator, Deadspin, Jezebel, Kissing Suzy Kolber, Pajiba...

34. 5 things you can see from where you are right now?
bulletin board, pens, lamp, my 2 tokidoki figures

35. What is your favorite TV show?
Right now, I'm liking GLEE. And Friday Night Lights.

36. Your most overused phrase(s)?
anything with "fuck" in it

37. What did you do last night?
Went to L's. Had lots of wine and a delicious dinner.

38. What was your favorite toy as a child?
probably Barbies

39. Are you a morning person or a night person?
night

40. Hugs or kisses?
aw, I like both

41. Summer or winter?
summer

42. What type of music do you listen to?
lots of stuff. Mostly indie rock, but with some alt country and r&b and straight top 40 mixed in.

43. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
No cd, but- Amerie, Magnolia Electric, Metric

44. What kind of shampoo do you use?
Redken All Soft

45. What characteristic do you despise?
Inconsiderate behavior

46. How do you release anger?
Swearing to myself. Slamming and banging.

47. Favorite sandwich?
The tuna melt at Mangia.

48. How many keys on your key ring?
8?

49. Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
I talk in my sleep every once in a while.

50. What was the first film you saw at the cinema?
no idea

51. Favorite sport to watch?
NFL football

52. Favorite soft drink?
diet coke

53. What is your favorite flower?
I like Hyacinths

54. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday [I'm good to go...]

55. What is under your bed?
My box o'purses. Random junk that doesn't fit into the closets.

56. Last thing you bought?
Rubbing alcohol and a nail file.

57. How many colors are you wearing?
4 if you count my bra straps

58. How do you style your hair?
straight

59. 3 random facts about yourself?
A: I sleep with the TV on
B: I have to hold onto something when I sleep
C: I haven't driven on the highway in a very, very long time

60. Coffee or tea?
coffee

61. What food do you dislike?
certain types of steak

62. What is your favorite candy?
Reese's

63. Last book you read?
re-reading "The Virgin Suicides"

64. Who's your celebrity crush of the moment?
Mark Salling? ASkars?

65. Do you have a celebrity crush of your same sex?
I dig Cate Blanchett a lot. And Leighton Meester and Naomi Watts.

spider versus rat, tiger versus bat

2009-11-04T04:01:31Z

Let's talk about how much I'm loving Metric. And how I haven't been to Weight Watchers in a month, but went tonight, and I really didn't gain much in a month, so thank you, Lord. Seriously. I thought I'd be back to 142-143, but I'm still hovering just under 140. So phew, especially considering I've got my cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, and it would be nice to drop some weight, as I imagine there will be pictures taken, and that camera does add pounds. I have a dress, which I have worn only once before, and yet when I put it on over the weekend- it got all stretched out in the chest, but somehow pushed my boobs UP more. I don't even know what happened there. But it's kind of verging on inappropriate for a family wedding.

I watched the Dear Jack movie, and there are scenes of Andrew McMahon playing music when he was visibly sick and bald and whatnot, but he's wearing his stupid wedding ring, and the whole time I'm thinking, "When did you actually get married, you sharp-nosed MFer?" Because there is a shot of the wedding, and he's got hair and stuff so...maybe it was a pledge that he and his girlfriend made? Like a promise ring thing when he was sick? Why do I care about this, is the question. It's probably because I'm amazed at anyone getting married so young, especially rock stars.

listen, the bells ring...

2009-11-02T04:13:21Z

My laziness is already starting to creep into this new job hunt/career counseling venture. That ain't right. Nip this in the bud, shall we?

I finished Firefly/Serenity. I didn't love the last few Firefly episodes, but there was enough there to outweigh the stuff I didn't like. I still have a bunch of questions about certain things, but I'm sure I'll get 'em answered. That's what the internets is for, right? Shack did the recaps at Television Without Pity, so I'm looking forward to going back and reading those. He did coin the "seal of Thasoggua" or whatever, for American Idol. He's got my heart. [so does Nathan Fillion, btw] And why does Melinda Clarke always play a prostitute or a woman of ill repute? It's not as if she's so trashy looking that those are the only roles she can play!

Giants lost badly and embarrassingly. Jets lost in a better fashion. But I was half paying attention and counting down until I could finish Firefly. And listening to the actual Stars song "In Our Bedroom After the War," which I wish I could post for you, but I can't. I listened to it a bunch, and half the time it made me want to sob, and the other half it made me feel all triumphant. I've been listening to Stars all week, actually. All it takes is one little twitter quote from expatiates , and BAM- I'm back on the bandwagon. "Your Ex Lover is Dead" remains a gorgeous piece of work.

gigantic! [a big, big star]

2009-11-01T03:43:18Z

WELL,
I haven't been DM-ing with my blogger-crush, which is [sad panda]. I still want him to whisk me away to Brooklyn so we can make fun of horrible TV shows together.

My grandmother is hanging in there for now. We all thought she was going to go at any minute a month ago, but she's rallied, to a point, and she's back to being half coherent/half non-sensical. It's the best we're going to get at this point.

My career counseling is going well. She's opening me up to new ideas and areas that I haven't considered. I found out that one of the co-workers I really like is getting ready to blow the pop stand. I don't know how many other people know. He doesn't know that I know. I'm guessing some other people that he's close with are aware of it. The funny thing is that it's an architect but he applied for a business degree. Maybe he wants it in case he starts his own firm once he's registered? I'd like to ask him about it, but it's not my place. I will miss him, though. He makes me feel attractive, which is so rare.

I finally borrowed Firefly from my friend. I don't remember how I came to know Nathan Fillion. I think maybe I tried watching an episode once, a few years back. But I went into the show knowing that I found FIllion to be oh-jesus-attractive, and Jewel Staite was on it, and I love her from "Flash Forward," back in the day. I'm about halfway through the series, loving Fillion, having a million questions, and just enjoying the heck out of it. Of course, I've selected the un-canon 'ship of Mal/Kaylee for myself, but I can't win 'em all. I'm not sure how I feel about Simon. Sean Maher reminds me of Roger Bart mixed with someone else who I can't remember at some point. I guess I think he's a little slimy, but he has his moments. The best part of everything is that the Serenity movie is available for instant play on Netflix, so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow night, probably, since there's not a Sunday Night Football game (thanks very much, NFL, for caving to the World Series. Some of us are NOT into baseball!). I think I'm kind of spoiled for something that happens in the movie, but oh well. You can't go hunting around for fanfic and emerge without learning some things that you weren't expecting to.

Okkervil River are on Austin City Limits tonight, and it's not on PBSHD for once, so I can watch it in my own room. Score! And they've got Jonathan Meiburg with them [I think he lives in Austin], their ex-vocalist/multi-instrumentalist, AND the cute bassist finally shaved, and seems to have transferred his beard to Will Sheff (the lead singer), who is actually working that extra hair. He looks more masculine and less like a scrawny, pale, indie boy. Also, Sheff's beard is like, carrot red under the ACL lights. He's a brunette. And he's playing piano! Which he never does in concert! Double-score!

And Friday Night Lights!! Kyle Chandler also falls into the "marry me" camp. Connie Britton, too. And Gilford. There's up-front hotness and stealth hotness on that show. And a lot of aviator sunglasses.

Magnolia Electric Co. is pretty much making my fall. Some of the songs go on too long, and Jason Molina's voice can get whiny, but some of the stuff is kind of gorgeous. Also, Arcade Fire.

it still stands

2009-10-23T01:08:47Z

Weezer was so much of my life when I was 17-18, mostly "the blue album" and Pinkerton. I got part of "Falling For You" stuck in my head, randomly, yesterday, and I went and listened to the songs that I have on my computer. Ohhhh, nostalgia!

This was one of the sections that resonated the most with me at the time, and it kind of still does:

so, things happened last night

2009-10-20T12:02:36Z

Also, I would not have requested "Punk Rock Princess" at an acoustic show [I don't think it translates as well as some of his other songs], but whatever. It's Andrew.

...like the longines symphonette

2009-10-18T20:12:07Z

Who still has a crush on a blogger that she will never, ever meet? ::this girl::

I had yet another dream about my grandmother dying, last night. This would be the 4th. Isn't that pleasant? In this one, she died like, today, and I had to go home, and I was trying to convince my mother that I HAD to get back and go to the Andrew McMahon show. I was begging her, practically, all "you don't understand!" Do you think I'm excited for this show? Fuck and yes. This dream was so realistic, though, one of those deals where I woke up and it took a few seconds for me to remember that I was home in NYC, and my grandmother was still alive.

LUDO are fucking awesome and fun and it's one of those deals where you get home and listen to the music post-concert, and it doesn't have the same zip anymore. That's alright, though. The songs are still killer. And they are an adorable band, and I would like to see them live once a week or once a month or something. Then I would be in a good mood all of the time. How do you not love a lead singer who munches on flowers? And a bassist who looks like he should be at high school soccer practice? And a fabulous keyboard/sounds guy? You just love, mm?

Also, Troy Aikman can suck a bag of dicks. The Giants are, a good football team, you ass. New Orleans is on fire right now. I don't know who the heck is going to be able to stop them during the regular season. Not that they don't deserve it, because they totally do. Anyway, Troy needs to shut his yapper. Yes, the Giants have had a "bye" month of playing bad teams, but they're a solid team overall. One loss to NO doesn't mean they suck. Yes, it's going to be a bad loss, but the Giants aren't out of the hunt for anything quite yet.

the dark don't hide it

2009-10-14T02:13:23Z

This business of my grandmother's declining health is pretty morbid. It's amazing to see someone fall apart so fast. I'm a lot sadder than I thought I'd be, mostly because we all thought she'd live to 105 and go peacefully in her sleep, still in fine mental health, but it's turning out to be very different. I helped my parents make the list of all of the people to call when she does pass away. I am glad that I got to see her when she was 3/4 in her right mind, basically say goodbye. We think she had another minor stroke, and when you're nearly 98, you don't bounce back as fast. I say she's had an excellent, amazing, accomplished life, but the impending is still weighing heavily on me.

I'm having issues with my nose tonight. Maybe I should have gotten it fixed? But, no. That's my heritage. That's part of my grandmother, right there. However, I do think everyone else in the family wears his or her nose better than I do mine. And one must not count out the fact that I'm petrified of going under the knife for true cosmetic surgery. It's always in the back of my mind, though.

People are all jacked up about fall, and there are good things, like the pumpkin/cinnamon/cider stuff, and the fall smell, and foliage, and all of that, but there are unpleasant aspects as well, like wind. And when you go from cold outside to hot subway platform and start sweating right away. And when the apartment building jacks up the heat so much that you're wearing shorts and a tank top in the middle of December. There are other things to consider, but I can't remember them right now. Fall air does smell great, though.

Fall Music to Sort Through:
-Ryan Adams
-Whiskeytown
-Arcade Fire (going to give 'em another shot)
-Magnolia Electric Co.
-Songs: Ohia
-Patty Griffin (her latest)
-They Might Be Giants
-Guided by Voices
-The National

rock of ages

2009-10-07T04:16:36Z

Tonight, I went to Hammerstein Ballroom to see this pretty lady:

She's [maternal expletive] radiant, y'all. I forgot I was seeing a legitimate tour show, and not one of my usual indie-er affairs. She's got a heckuva band, including a small brass section, which always makes me squeal. Okkervil River and Spoon worked some brass into their recent tours, but I wasn't expecting it from Kelly, so PLUS. Also PLUS- I've wanted to go to a show at Hammerstein since I was in middle school and it seemed like all the cool shows happened either there or Roseland or Irving Plaza. I've now been to all 3!

I would have been pissed if I'd missed this, considering she played RIGHT IN NYC for once. I was expecting a lot of younger girls, like little girls, but that wasn't the case. Some college girls and a few young looking ones, but mostly early 20s and up, I think. One thing about a female friendly audience- less tall guys to politely move in front of! There was this group of college girls in front of me with a very tall friend, and she wisely stayed off to the side. High fives and ass slaps to you, redhead! Also, the group of girls was pretty amusing to eavesdrop on. They all had on too much eyeliner; they were in on a train from somewhere. There was a certain bridge & tunnel quality to them...maybe Long Islanders... I don't know...but fun to listen to them talk about college things and stupid boys and Halloween, etc.

I hate to get all Randy Jackson, but I could listen to Kelly sing the phone book, for sure. She's just so darn adorable. And she does fun covers! My only complaint: I would have liked her to have done "Longshot," but one cannot have everything.

try and help me father; won't you let me in?

2009-10-03T23:19:44Z

I don't like going to events that remind me how utterly bereft I am in the friends department. See: bridal shower. I had friends, then I didn't. Then I did again, then I didn't. And the "didn't" has lasted a long time. There are people I socialize with, but I barely have friends. And some of them don't live very close to me and it just KILLS to see this bride-to-be surrounded by so much love and friends and so many years of memories and I have like, nothing. I have my awesome parents, and I do not for a second take them for granted, but it just makes me kind of sad, sometimes. I constantly feel lost and alone.

To make matters worse, my grandmother's health is steadily declining, to the point where my mother feels that she and her sisters have to start making legitimate funeral arrangements, which is morbid and sad and yet, necessary. I just hope she can hold on until after my cousin's wedding next month, because if not, that's going to be two crazy, conflicting events happening around the same time.

I'm "detoxing" in NJ this weekend, which is nice. And my new bedspread is pretty sweet-looking.

one of these days, one of my turns

2009-10-01T00:48:34Z

Oh, goodness.
Things would be better if I was getting enough sleep at night, but I always manage to somehow work myself into a dorky little frenzy at around 11:30, which keeps me wired 'til 12:30, which is really when I should be sleeping.

Last night, I had this horrible dream that my grandmother died, but it wasn't all real. In the dream, she had a husband and a sister called Rose. My grandmother has neither. I'm sure it was my subconscious expressing worry about her declining health, but it was really jarring, and I woke up at like 4 or 5 in the morning, kind of freaked out. In the dream, we were all at the hospital, and I was leaving to go somewhere, and then it was announced over the loudspeaker that she'd passed, and I went back to the room where my family was, sat down on the floor, and started to cry. And then "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin started playing. I think it affected me all day. I was on-off-on. Pretty silent at the hair salon. I sad there like this round little black and grey mess of a sad panda. Not that I ever have anything to say to the guy who cuts my hair, but... tonight I resolve to get a good night's sleep.

The price for a haircut/blow-out is now $78, which is total robbery. I have to seriously evaluate whether or not I'm going to keep going to that salon. When I started going, the price was in the $60 and up range, which is what I'd been paying in NJ, but now... I was able to deal over the summer b/c I just had my hair cut and then I blew it out at home, but now it's fall and it's too risky for me to walk home with a wet head. At least I've got my bangs again!

...and my hair is growing long

2009-09-30T01:28:44Z

hey now- the straw dog's out in the street!

2009-09-29T04:03:38Z

OH, HI.

[there's chemicals in the clouds]

I went to California and got freaked out by hills in San Francisco, feared earthquakes, saw a bunch of sea lions, had a minor nervous breakdown and constant headache...DK is a trooper for putting up with me, but she has anxieties of her own. I learned that I will constantly compare every major city in the world to New York City. I'm kind of spoiled in that way.

I learned that DK is familiar with Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate, which happens when you work for Hollister, and we love some of the same songs. I bought both Jack's albums on the cheap at Amoeba in Berkeley (which I was totally psyched about), and we listened to them in the car, and it was just perfect music for driving and California. We would have rocked out to SC, but the stupid rental car didn't have a tape deck for my iPod adapter. But I fell in love with "Miss Delaney" and "American Love," two songs that I'd previously overlooked.

I learned that dirty looks don't work in Berkeley. It made me want to be a better person, like less "I'm going to stab you" and more "roll with it." I said hello to the doorman in my office building for the first time ever this morning and he was like, "She speaks!" So uh, he's noticed that I'm not the friendliest person, obviously. Super! Every time I say I'm going to turn over a new leaf and be overall more pleasant, something about it backfires. Hopefully, not this time.

However, my grandmother is in declining health, and this other family friend is in bad shape, so I don't know how that's going to affect my new outlook, especially the part about my grandmother. We thought she'd just go in her sleep, but she's getting dementia now so that's um, foiled.

I'm slightly flirting with this kind of cute blogger via Twitter. Can he spirit me away to Brooklyn, please? I'm finally at the point where I can look at pictures of MD and his girlfriend and go AWWWW, which is good. I've decided that I'm never getting married. It's just never going to happen with me, unless somehow I find myself in a situation with lovely boys. There are underlying issues, though, so who knows if someone will ever crack this casing I've got going on. I can say "sure, let it come," but when actually confronted with the situation, it might be very different.

But it's NFL season, and there are sweet concerts coming up, and maybe I'm going to take legitimate steps to finding a new job.
Fall into fall. XO

I can't stop listening to this

2009-09-19T18:54:07Z

"It's in the trees!
It's coming!"

When I was a child:
Running in the night,
Afraid of what might be

Hiding in the dark,
Hiding in the street,
And of what was following me...

the hounds of love are hunting me
I've always been a coward,
And I don't know what's good for me.

(Well) Here I go!
It's coming for me through the trees.
Help me, someone!
Help me, please!

Take my shoes off,
And (i will) throw them in the lake,
And I'll be
Two steps on the water.

I found a fox
Caught by dogs.
He let me take him in my hands.

His little heart,
It beats so fast,
And I'm ashamed of running away

From nothing real--
I just can't deal with this,
But I'm still afraid to be this,

Among your hounds of love,
And feel your arms surrounding me.
I've always been a coward,
I never know what's good for me.

(well),here I go!
Don't let me go!
Hold me down!
It's coming for me through the trees.
Help me, darling
Help me, please!

Take my shoes off
And throw them in the lake,
And I'll be
Two steps on the water.

I don't know what's good for me.
I don't know what's good for me.
I need la la la la la ya yo ya yo
Your love!

Take your shoes off
And throw them in the lake!

Do you know what I really need?
Do you know what I really need?
I need la la la la la yeah!

[Kate Bush/Hounds of Love]